I was afraid I had forgotten how to cry. Over the past month there has been so much talk about the day when everyone was going to leave, and we would all be forced to say goodbye. Many tears have been shed over the past few weeks, but none of them were mine. It wasn't that everyone leaving (including myself) didn't spark the same emotions in me as it did everyone else, I just never cried about it. And I hated it. I wanted to cry so badly.
Well all my concerns about forgetting how to cry were smashed today as I watched six girls who I love dearly leave the house where we fell in love. I sat outside with their parents while they were saying their final goodbyes in the house, and when they came out, the tears started flowing. Not mine though, everyone else's. We all hugged one another and told each other that we'd meet again in a month at Lauren's wedding. As comforting as that reunion will be, today still proved to be extremely emotional. After many hugs, tears, and a few photographs, everyone drove out of the driveway in a line leaving Mikey and I to load up the girls gift to us (leftover food). When Mikey drove off with the food I walked back to my car and just lost it.
I went back to the porch where I sat when the girls were still inside, only this time I was the only person within a 50 yard radius, and I was crying like a junior high girl who just saw her first boyfriend kissing another, more popular girl. I just sat on that porch for at least 15 minutes crying and praying, thanking God for putting those beautiful girls in my life. Every time I thought I was done, I would look up and start all over again. It was such a sweet time in the Lord, and at the same time it was so hard. I finally pulled myself together enough to drive home and the song playing in my car as I drove out of that driveway for the last time was "If You Say Go." Upon realizing that this song was on, I laughed at God through my tears for being so clever. The line that stuck out to me, and that I will forever associate with that moment was, "Your ways are higher than our ways, and the plans that you have made are good and true." What a blessing.
Girls, I love you all way more than you think I do, and I'm sorry I can't convey that message strongly enough. I love you.
5.13.2006
this is so HARD!
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If you are wondering how I got that picture, well I put my camera on a timer because I would not allow myself to leave that house without a picture. I brought my camera to take whatever pictures with my friends, but never felt like it was appropriate, so I just took a picture of myself (post-tears) as I sat.
One of the greatest gifts God gives us is the ability to love and to experience love. More powerful than your education that you acheived over the past 4 years is the opportunity to start new relationships that you didn't even have when you entered this university. You now have friendships that will last your lifetime. God given relationships that will laugh with you, hurt with you, pray with you. As a parent, seeing you with such friends gives me more pleasure than you can possibly know.
well that was one big tear-jerker... as if i needed another one of those. i liked seeing our house with you at it one more time. way to go on the picture. :)
I told myself that I wasn't going to cry today, but as the tears are streaming down my face, all I can say is "it's all your fault, d.o.!!!" I don't think i've ever said it, but I love you Mr. D.O. I love the way you love us and I thank you for everything over the past year! You really have no idea! We have so many great memories in that house and I love that you have been a part of so many of those. I feel honored that your tears finally came about leaving our house. Really...I know how you feel! It's hard to see it all go. But, we all know that eagle pass was just a stepping stone to an exciting adventure. I am excited (and scared to death) for this ride. I'll see you very very soon.
it seems like my day o' tears has turned into a weekend o' tears-- and I will echo Claire and say..."thanks alot D.O." my now runny nose and watery eyes are not enough to let you know how much you mean to me. its funny to see how things change from the time you sat in my room with me when the girls you knew weren't home to saying goodbye to eagle pass with you...thank you for choosing our couches over the past year and letting me learn from you and laugh with you!
to crosswords, chair dances, deep discussions and explosive laughter....
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