really?

I find it hard to believe that every talk show host who interviews an author and claims to have read their most recent book has actually read said book. I've seen various hosts claim to have really enjoyed so and so's book, and then the next three nights they say the same thing to different authors about different (thick) books. I'm not sure I believe all of them, and that's all I have to say about that. Feel free to share your thoughts, and if Leno, Letterman, Conan, John Stewart, or any other late night talk show hosts who subscribe to my blog would like to justify themselves, please feel free to do so in the comments section.

60 hrs in D.O.'s head (abridged)

I've had absolutely nothing but time on my hands the past week, and as a result I've done absurd amounts of thinking. Even on days when I have little to no free time, I still manage to do a good bit of thinking, so you can imagine how busy my brain has been the past few days. It hasn't stopped. Here is a very honest (G-rated) look into the things I think about:

- What the heck am I doing with my life?
- Why am I in College Station? Every ounce of my being wants to be in the northwest enjoying mountains, a cooler climate, and a different culture.
- Does God care if I leave and go to another place without his specifically telling me to do it?
- Why do so many areas of my life look so differently than I want them to look (and how the Bible says they should look)?
- Am I the pathetic guy who continues to relive his college life in his second year of out school?
- Why am I seemingly unable to settle for a random job that I can build experience in?
- Do I even want to get a job in College Station, which will all but force me to stay here (potentially) longer than I want?
- What am I doing wrong in the way of hearing what Father wants from me? Is His silence a way of telling me to simply go and act on faith and trust him with whatever that looks like?
- Why on Earth do I feel so dang sorry for myself all the time?
- I wish I were better at playing guitar, piano, and writing songs on each.
- Why am I fighting feelings of loneliness when I'm in the middle of a town where I know more people than almost anywhere else? (Probably because I'm not working, therefore I've got too much time alone, but I'm not working because I'm not sure, again, if I want to work here...)
- Why do I see both sides of EVERY issue under the sun, making it nearly impossible to have a firm opinion on any of the things pertinent to my current life stage?
- Should I move back to Dallas, live with Colby (who I adore), humbly ask for my job at REI back, go to the Village, and try to go to China with them next year?
- Is my thinking all these things good? Bad? Neutral?
- Why am I having such a hard time reading the Word in the midst of having an entirely empty schedule?
- Why am I so intolerant of people closest to me?
- Why don't people update their blogs more so I'd have a little something more to do during the day?
- I want to go for a walk, but it's too hot outside.
- What does it look like to actually surrender stuff to Jesus?
- Why am I all of the sudden somewhat upset and dissatisfied with God's intangibility?
- Why do I act like, think like, pretend like I've got everything figured out when I KNOW I have absolutely nothing figured out (save the fact that I don't know anything. I know that).
- Persons A, B, C, and so on think I should shave my beard. That makes me want to keep it more than I did before.
- What am I going to do with the lessons I've learned/ will learn throughout this season?
- When is Jessica Schmale going to come to the Station so I can hash all this stuff out with her over a cup of whatever she wants to drink?
- Why do over half of the visitors to my blog spend less than 5 seconds here?
- Why do my recent journal entries end in "UGH!"?

Believe me, I could go on, but I used the word "abridged" in the title of this post so I'll stop. Everything that goes on beneath my balding head isn't as negative as it may have just seemed. I think of it as being more realistic than negative. Realistic and frustrating. I'm not going to lie. It's frustrating. I apologize if you found this post too serious or depressing or anything less than satisfying or entertaining, but at the same time I don't really care. I've always tried to be very honest and authentic, and this blog is no exception. Oh, and if anyone wants to share their thoughts, there's a comment section and if you're reading this you probably know my email address and phone number. Go ahead. Lord knows I need it.

jiffy news revisited... sort of

Some of you may have already read Brandon Roger's most recent post regarding news and gossip. He talks about how we like to read stories about all kinds of silly things in personal lives of complete strangers. So there's that.

To further emphasize his point, and to magnify how messed up our priorities as a country are, I give you CNN.com's top 10 most viewed stories as of 1:55pm, September 26th, 2007. I copied it straight off their website.

These are the most read stories of the day. If someone who didn't know what was going on in world affairs (Heather Hendrick) saw this list, they'd think that the third most pressing issue today is the fact that Elton John lost one of his home decorations. Well as it turns out, it isn't.

On a day when monks protesting for democracy in Myanmar are being killed by their country's military, we in America would rather read about how "pets have weight problems too"... amazing. On the heels of Iranian president Mahmoud Ahmadinejad's visit to New York and the absolute verbal beating he received from Columbia University's president as he was being introduced, we read about a celebrities child with a handicap. With religious leaders being sentenced to jail for abetting in rape and Union workers ending their strike for rights, we read about Sarah Silverman jokes. If you wanted the links to any of the stories I dubbed "lesser" you'll have to visit CNN's website.

Seriously, there are ten stories more important than the ten that have been most visited on CNN today. I'm not sure who to point the finger at here. I started to point at the general new-checking public for valuing silly, mostly pointless stories over stories of substance. Then I decided to point at the media for feeding us the stories (and perspectives) that they feed us. But the reason, arguably, that media gives us what they do is that they know we love it. It's a messed up cycle. Thoughts?

Now is the cycle messed up enough to motivate me to revive Jiffy News? (No link provided for JN because it is, at this point, dead). Not sure. That remains to be seen.

is that a joke?

The weather has been extremely pleasant the past couple of weeks (save a couple of wet days), which has allowed me to do something I enjoy: ride my bike. I'm not exactly in riding distance to any trails, so I settle for using my bike a means of transportation to places like the grocery store and the book store.

The other day at the local Barnes (which is two stories tall, thank you) I picked up a delightful book, Freakonomics. I have since bought it and read about half of it. When I finish, you will be able to reap the benefit of that which you did not sow by reading my review of it right here at online diary for the masses. Today as I was reading, I came across a disturbing fact: the cost of coffins is way too expensive. The one pictured above is the cheapest one I could find on the internet, and it's $1,000. (Most coffins are easily $3,000 and up).

This got me thinking: What better way to put on display how terribly we spend our money on this Earth than to end up with our carcasses lying in a $3,000 bed... underground? I can understand certain folks justifying such a purchase, for example, people who believe in reincarnation. However for people who claim to be Christians, and claim to believe that they're going to have a bodily resurrection when the guy they claim to be their leader, Jesus, comes back -- these people, the way my critical and opinionated eyes see it, have no business delving into such an investment.

I'll admit, this is a pretty one-sided view of an issue that is irrelevant to most of us (because how many of us will be buying our own coffin?), but it got me thinking, and it was time for a new post, so this is what we get. Since this is my blog, and I'm allowed to be biased and share my opinion, let me tell you what I'd like to have done to my dead earthly body: donate everything that you can. If there is anything left, do whatever is cheapest, all while being jealous that I get to be in the presence of my Maker while you're left to wait.

This isn't meant to be a morbid post, just honest, real, and a little offbeat. Don't cry.

book store thoughts

I love bookstores. Half-Priced Books, Barnes and Nobles, Borders, you name it, and I probably like it - unless it's a comic book store. I love that you can go into a book store in any city of America and feel like you've been there before (once you find a book, an empty chair, and start to read).

I've had a few days off from work this week and the past couple days I've found myself riding my bike in the disgustingly hot Dallas weather to the local Barnes where I proverbially swim around in the sea of books. I've got this gift where I'm able to find a book that peaks my interest in nearly every section of the store. I mean it could probably be the child birth section and I'd find something that interests me.

I've done some introspection and discovered where that gift comes from. Well, at least I've gotten one step closer to discovering it's origin. I like to learn. Maybe more so than my liking of learning is my attraction to the idea of knowing a lot of things. That fact is proven in my habit of picking up books that catch my eye, reading the first couple of lines on the back, pretending to read the remainder of the back, then putting the book back on the shelf.

The fact is, I really want all of the knowledge that the books in any given bookstore have to offer, without spending the time or money necessary to acquire said knowledge. That's the problem. And I blame the Internet.

Another thing I love to do at bookstores (and everywhere else I go) is watch people! Especially in the magi zine section. If you ever find yourself with a free afternoon and you just don't know what to do, go to the local Barnes, grab a book and pretend to read it near the magazine section while looking at people and observing to which magazines they are drawn. It is fascinating.

Clearly this post hasn't been profitable or funny, and I doubt it's even been entertaining, but it's what I've been thinking about lately, so it gets blog-space. There is one very funny thing about this post, and if you haven't noticed it already, go ahead and scroll back up and click on that picture. Look at the books on the table at which the boy is sitting. Hilarious.

my worldview

Whoever designed my apartment complex did a pretty good job of making residents feel safe regarding others trying to peek through their windows. My initial thought towards having all of our windows blocked by trees was undoubtedly negative. Not that we would have been able to see far had the trees not been there, but the trees block the sun, which reduces the amount of natural light that is able to enter our rooms.

Over the years I've been very wrong about a whole lot of stuff, especially when it comes to first impressions of people, things, or situations. Well this is no exception.

I've been blessed with sightings like the one pictured above over and over the past few weeks. I never would have counted myself as a bird watcher, but I'm starting to recognize its appeal. When I can lay on my wonderful bed and simply look right out my window at a cardinal who doesn't know I'm spying on him (or her... I don't know birds yet), that's pretty pure.

This reminds me of when I was in elementary school and junior high. My Aunt Sherry would pick me up from school and take me to her house until my mom got off work. Each year, during our week-long autumn, I remember Sherry always talking about how beautiful the changing leaves were. I'm pretty sure I said they were too, but never really paid much attention to them. Now I could sit and stare at a fall-struck tree for thirty minutes and thoroughly enjoy it.

Events and changes like these are the subtle changes that make me realize the scary fact that I'm growing up.

I'm thankful that my God helps change my entirely screwed up mind and conforms it to look (and think!) like His.

Change is inevitable. That was on the wall in my 7th grade hallway. Whoever put those construction paper letters on the wall knew what they were talking about.

oh the paths my mind takes...

As you all know, I went to Living Hope in college. As I'm sure you've heard, Butch Smith is the pastor there at the Hopester. As a small percentage of you know, there are no pictures of anybody on the otherwise awesome new Living Hope website (digitally remastered by Ryan Couch himself). So I had to resort to the age-old, ever faithful solution of Google Images. I believe the afore displayed photograph was number three on the list of results.

I bet you're wondering why I'm posting about Brother Butch huh? You think I'm going to rip him up because of that thing he said last Sunday? Nope. (I would never do that anyway, but let's face it, if I did, it wouldn't be on the Internet). Well what spawned this post was everyone else's blogs. There is no shortage of LH bloggers out there, and their number is growing constantly, which made me wonder: does Butch Smith read his flock's blogs? Does he peruse them from time to time? Does he use them in sermon illustrations? Does he even know they exist?? Does he care that his picture isn't on the website? Would he like it if we put the picture above on his LH page? Would he ever even know?

These are the things I thought about. Thoughts? Hizzie, do what you think ought to be done. I trust you. You too Aaron.

I'm so hungry!

They say you don't know what you got til it's gone (I believe it was Amy Grant, and later the Counting Crows). I think that's true a lot of times, but not all of the time.

When I was in College Station, I was fully aware of what I had. I had more close friends than I could do justice, and I had a church family that probably loved me more than I loved them, and I loved them a whole stinkin' lot. Most, if not all of my readers fall into one or both of said categories, which makes me think you'll take some interest in this post. If not, just scroll down to the bottom for the cutesy picture (but if you are going to read it, save the picture for the end, for that is how I've created this post to work... kinda like Chose Your Own Adventure books).

I realized in a very punch-in-the-face kind of way this morning, that I am so dang hungry for a community of believers that will let me do life with them. The thing I had in College Station: deeply honest friendships with people of all ages (literally zero to however old Bill Magee is), is not just a luxury in life but I truly believe it is a necessity. When I left College Station, there was no question in my mind as to what all I was leaving.

Which brings me to how my hunger punched me in the face this morning. This was my fifth week of visiting churches to find one that I can plug into with everything the Lord's given me, and I realized that I hate this process. I really hate going to churches where you know nothing (other than what their websites say) about how this church runs. You don't know the motives of the church leadership, or membership for that matter. You don't know what the church places value on, or how they spend their money (same thing really). It doesn't help that I'm one of the most critical people currently living, but really, I never thought this would be so hard (and I knew it would be hard).

Say all that to say that the Christian life is not an easy one, even when the necessary community of believers is physically present. When you are without that community... it's not that tight. I hope you Living Hope readers realize how dang blessed you are to be a part of that beautiful body.

I don't want you to leave this post feeling sorry for me or anything, I'm just letting the world (all ten readers) know where I'm at these days. I'm looking for a church and wishing that churches met every other day so I could speed up the seeking process. I guess if I drove by a church with a sign like this one, I'd probably start writing my tithe checks to them. Until then, the tithe pot keeps getting bigger... not big, just bigger.

sorority shirts

Some things lose value with time, some things quicker than others, while other things gain value with time.

The second you drive your new car off the lot the value drops like it's hot... unless it's one of those cars that end up being a classic and then said car turns out to be worth exponentially more than the amount which you paid for it (assuming it's well-kept, but I digress).

I, however, am coming less from a financial point of view and more from the amount of significance you place on any given material possession. Case in point: sorority shirts.

I used to view these tees as a status symbol (though I've never admitted it until now). Clearly he with the most cotton was the coolest person around, and the one with whom I certainly wanted to associate myself. Oh how the times have changed! That which I used hold in such high regard I now view as, among other things, in the way.

The event that sparked this thought process was packing up the entire house here on Luther Street. I've made lots of piles of things, and one of those piles is to be donated to Twin Cities Mission (because let's face it, I've got way too much stuff). I noticed that of the clothes I dubbed unworthy to remain in my wardrobe, sorority shirts boasted the highest percentage. Then I thought, "there is no way I would have tossed these gems any time in the first two years of college." The shirts that did make the cut, much to my mother's dismay, are the shirts that I've had since high school. They're softer, and they've proven themselves worthy.

One thing that I hope never loses it's value though, is the picture I posted with this post. It truly is priceless.

limited time only (part two)

As is so often the case, I was on my way to finishing a masterpiece of a post when the computer freaked out, and forgot that I was ever online in the first place. So, pretend that I started out with an extremely clever introduction that linked the previous post to this one. It also talked about how the first post really was a giant incomplete thought... man, I wish I hadn't lost that original "limited time only (part two)" post.

The way I've decided to close out this two-part post is this: instead of whining and spilling out all my thoughts of Brenham for the mostly uninterested world to read, I'm just going to make a little list of things I've learned during this short season of refinement. Some of these lessons are the ones that I've learned before and will continue to re-learn as the years go by, while others are new. Most of them weren't fun to learn, and honestly probably won't be that fun to read, but hey, you came to the blog voluntarily.

• I am selfish - I love myself way too much.
• Ministry is hard - Not hard as in the opposite of easy, rather hard as in not enjoyable, exciting, glamorous, appealing, or other attractive things.
• It would behoove me (and probably you) to focus more on knowing Jesus better, and less on worrying about where He may or may not want me to be.
• Jesus' grace is ferociously amazing

I'm sure I learned more than four things this summer, but those are the ones that have kept coming up and impacting me a whole lot on a daily basis. I'm very thankful that God loves me enough to teach me things like this. I don't deserve it.

As I write this I'm enjoying the fact that I'm done for the summer. I get to go to Dallas this weekend and see my friends, including that special one Brooke! I get to spend one more week here in Brenham debriefing, and hopefully I'll quiet down enough to let the Lord finish showing me the things He taught me whilst I was here. I'm looking forward to a sweet week of rest in College Station following the last week in Brenham, but more immediately than all of those, I'm looking forward to a free dinner tonight.

Chances are, if you are reading this, I love you, and I don't tell you that enough.

p.s. Special thanks to Uncle Stan for the magazine article of a comment he left. I really do appreciate it.

limited time only!

The title isn't to make you think that I'm offering you something that won't be available much longer, rather it's to let you know that I don't have a whole lot of time to write this post. As usual, I'll apologize for there not being a picture. I'll also go ahead and apologize for it not being funny or awesome. Sorry and sorry.

So here's the deal: I've got until Friday the 28th of July. Once that day comes (really, once 12:30pm that day comes) my work here in Brenham is over. I will have to stay another week to clean up and debrief and things of the sort, but the work part is over. Sadly, there just isn't a whole lot that excites me more than the thought of my time here being over. Why is that sad? Oh, well let me tell you. (Disclaimer: being that I have limited time to write this I'm sure I'll say things that I haven't completely thought through yet, but this is what's on my mind, and if it's heretical, know that I really do mean well).

Jesus said tons of things about how we, his followers, ought to be involved with helping those who cannot help themselves. In America, I believe that a huge group of people that fall into that category are the people who we often call "poor." I don't like the thought of calling people poor, but then I realize that Jesus did, so it must be okay. Anyway, the way I read scripture, I think as a follower of Jesus I should be involved in helping the poor, and I think that should be in a more tangible way than simply throwing money at them through some organization like Compassion International. I actually like doing things of that nature, but I really think that Christians do stuff like that and then check the "help the poor" box off their good deeds list.

Ok, crap... lots of people just walked in the room, and I can no longer go on letting my fingers think for all of you to read; not their fault, my mind just can't handle it. I also have to leave to drive around Brenham for an hour, picking people up for a youth conference in a van that broke down on me last week... Sorry for the incomplete blog, but maybe it'll give you something to work with... this one had the potential to be way too long, so it's probably best. Terrible ending... dang it.

inside my mind

Disclaimer: this post probably won't make you laugh, so if that's what you're looking for, scroll down some.

Fire just amazes me. I remember as a kid I would just sit and watch the embers fall below the fire in the fireplace and imagine that they were Indians doing some sort of rain dance (which, if the Indians really were on fire, they'd probably want rain pretty bad). Fire can be used to heat food, a house, whatever you have in your beaker in chemistry lab, and your appendages. It can also prove extremely dangerous when the house that is supposed to be heated by the flame is consumed by it. I have the flame pictured above lit in my room to give it a more user-friendly aroma, and I always blow it out before I leave the house because I fear that it may jump out of the candle and onto my nearby flammable computer. Why on Earth would that happen? I don't know, but I have some fear of it in me somewhere.

God used fire in a bush to talk to Moses. He also cast Satan and his homeys into the fiery pits of hell when they got prideful. Various persecutors of the Church have used fire to end the lives of followers of Christ who refused to deny their Savior. We use the verb "burn" often, meaning that someone is extremely passionate about something or someone else. There seem to be countless meanings and connotations of the word "fire" and it's different offspring words (for lack of a better term) like burn, consume, singe, and facemelt.

I think what sparked (no pun intended, I promise) this post was my thinking about how fire can be so cool and useful when used correctly, and how it can be so destructive when used improperly. So no real point to this post, but know that things like that are what go through my head daily.

lifting requests round 1

Well I sent out this website's address, so I figure I'll take advantage of it (assuming anyone even looks at it). Here are some things you can be talking to Pappy about for me, followed by some comments:

- that Pops will continue to provide financially for my trip (He's so good)
- that Pops will keep preparing my body, mind, and inmost being for the trip
- for amazing unity for our team from the moment we meet (May 21st)
- that Pappy will be preparing hearts of the Chinese we will come in contact with... for transformation!
- awareness of and protection from the Enemy's attacks: the warfare is and will continue to be thick

that'll suffice for now. I'd encourage you to leave me a note on this website by clicking the "comment" link below this post - you don't have to be a member or anything, anyone can leave comments! I'd also encourage you to send this link to any other humans who you think would enjoy it, but make sure to stress the fact that Sunday school talk really isn't allowed, for safety reasons. You guys (again, assuming anyone reads this) are amazing! I like you a lot. More than you realize.