LASIK - Behind Closed Doors: a post-op tell-all

Before / After

It really happened. I really woke up at 3:30 to eat breakfast just before getting in a total strangers vehicle. The man drove me to a place I'd been only a few times before, and as he drove away I knew: there was no turning back.

I emptied out my pockets, took of my glasses, put on my hairnet, and allowed about a dozen different people to insert around three sets of eye drops each as they so desired. After a few tests, waiting, and tons of eye drops, my eyes were numb... I thought.

The first unexpected turn of events happened when a man told me he was going to write on my eyeball to aid procedures during surgery. This was a new concept to me, and all I could think of was how funny it must have looked, and Heather Hendrick.

Once I actually entered the surgery room things became even less clear than then were when I was asked to take of my glasses. Mainly because the great majority of the appx. 30 minutes were spent with my eyes closed, either voluntarily or by tape. I was left to use my remaining senses to decipher the goings on in the room. The machines made all kinds of terrible sounds, like a mild-mannered semi-automatic cap gun. The first bench I laid on was moderately uncomfortable, but the second made up for it. They did all kinds of weird things to my eyes that I was, quite literally, in the dark on. There came a point when I stopped trying to figure out what was being done to me, and I started listening to the various dialogues taking place in the room. It reminded me very much of Grey's Anatomy.

Dr Boothe was highly frustrated with some of his interns for their inability to do things the way he asked. He made many mentions of writing people up and treats to fire people by the end of the week. Meanwhile, in the back room, Intern A and Intern C reminisce about the previous nights happenings, and how they heard that Desk Girl D is prego.

It was at the second bed that I realized my eyes weren't as numb as I'd once thought. The best way I can describe it is that something was pushing on my eye pretty hard, and though my sight was going out pretty quick, I was supposed to keep my eyes on the center of the lights and not make a face as if whatever was all up in my eye didn't hurt.

Then I was led out of the room in a trust-walk sort of way, and after about ten minutes, the scales were taken off my eyes and I could see! Not perfectly, but at least I was certain I hadn't gone blind. Tomorrow I get the protective contact lenses removed and the vision post-removal is supposed to be great. Hopefully by that point I can lay off the eye drops. I've been doing them (about) every ten minutes since I got back from the doctor (save that heavenly four hour nap). Rest assured however, that said nap wasn't until I'd waited 5 hours after surgery. And good news, there's been no word on the fan thing, so don't worry about taking them out of your houses for fear of my coming to visit. Finally, I plan on wearing these goggles long after the required time frame.

I'll leave you with a close up of what my eyes looked like when I first got home to my camera. The black dots are ink, and the rest is just eye stuff... I don't know. Here's looking at you.